I was born in Ibadan, O yo State in 1963.
Was yours a large family?I was born into a polygamous family. My father had five wives and my mother was the fourth. My father’s children are nine in all. I’m the only child from my mother.
How cordial was the relationship among the wives?My father was a disciplinarian and was able to control his home. His home was guided by rules. The wives were sometimes quarrelsome. But in my father’s presence, everyone behaved. Two of the wives were living outside my family. There was no discrimination among the children, we were brought up as one. My home then was a typical African setting.
How was your mother able to keep her head high among her rivals?She actually moved out of the house because she couldn’t cope with the trouble in the home. She remarried and travelled abroad in 1966.
As a child, did you miss your mother?I went to live with my maternal grandmother. I missed the weekly market activities. She would always take me along to the market and ask me to point at the parts of meat I wanted. I would point at the different parts. She would buy these and cook a delicious meal. My grandmother also pampered me, but I still missed my mother’s affection. She adored me. I had to be strong and be contented with being with my grandmother and mother’s relatives.
Did you notice some traits common in your mother and grandmother?They both display worries and concern about their children a lot. My grandmother was worried about my mum till she died. My mother also was always worried about my welfare when she travelled abroad. she kept writing and sending people to me with clothings, money and gifts. I was nicknamed ‘imported’ in school because I was always dressed in imported wears. Both were also good cook. Their favourite was pounded yam and egusi soup. My grandmother was good in preparing Isapa and egusi soups with bush meat. We take these with pounded yam.
Can you let us know your parents?My father is Alhaji Salaudeen Ajitoni Olajide and my mother, Alhaja Bintu Fatima Olajide. My father was a successful photographer who trained many on the job. He was also a politician. My mother was a confessionist.
How long was it before you set eyes on your parents while staying with your grandmother?I didn’t see my father until I was 11. He started paying me regular visits then. I saw my mother again when my grandmother died. That was in 1976.
Can you describe your reaction to her visit?It looked unreal to me. I couldn’t believe she was the one I was seeing. I was overwhelmed with joy. I had to make myself believe she was around. She came back with a lot of things for me. I finally travelled abroad in 1982 to live with her.
Did you get along with your stepfather on getting to London?My stepfather came back to Nigeria in 1977. He stayed back for a while and died in 1981. I didn’t have any interaction with him. But while with my grandmother, whenever he came to Nigeria, he would pay us a visit in order to deliver my mum’s message.
How was the relationship between your step siblings and you?Initially, I occasionally quarrelled with my immediate younger brother. I was seven years older than him. But mum used to lay down the rules. I believe their thinking then was, “who is this guy who has just come from Nigeria and taking over things?” They all got over it after a while. My mum ensured we were one.
And how were you able to find your feet in the new environment? I had lived with many of my relatives and had developed a tolerant attitude and liberal mind. I was more mature than my age and as such ,was able to take charge.
How dear did you think you were to your mother considering the presence of your step siblings?She opened up to me, told me all she had and all her activities. I assisted her in carefully managing all she had to take care of everyone of us.
What memories of your mother are still fresh in your mind? I still remember how hard she worked abroad, she hardly slept. She would be up by 3:00 a.m. and return home around 11:00 p.m. We would walk her to the bus stop every morning to take a bus. Many times, she slept off in the bus due to fatigue. She ensured her children were well fed, clothed and read. I had my A levels, first and secondary degree abroad.
Can you compare your mum’s disposition to life with that of your dad? My mother was prudent, blunt but generous. She got annoyed easily. She also loved assisting people. Our home in London was the happening centre for relatives and friends coming there. Sometimes, my siblings were made to vacate their rooms for these visitors. I had then rented my own flat. My father was not prudent but generous to a fault.
Were there times you were at loggerhead with your mother?Yes. My mum hated a layback attitude and would always wanted me to accept any offer that came my way in form of job. She would always frown and stress that London is not my country and so, I had to make do with whatever job I was offered. But I had a different vision and opinion and would always reject any offer that didn’t please me or meet with my qualifications. Our views differed on this. I stayed with mum for two years and moved to my flat and started doing things the way I liked.
Are you married to you first date?No. I had other girlfriends before her.
Why choose her?I felt comfortable with her. I went to her house and met with her parents. Her father chatted freely with me and offered me palm wine. I felt relaxed in their midst. I met her through my cousin when I came for a visit to Nigeria. She was working at Great Nigeria Insurance Company. things gradually clicked.
How easy was it having a long distance relationship?I was coming home twice a year. the NITEL services were still available, so we discussed on phone.
Did your mother play any significant role in your marriage to your wife? No. She felt I was matured enough. She knew some of my girlfriends in London and was encouraging me to consolidate my relationship with one of them. My policy then was that once a girl was getting too familiar with my mother—you know coming to visit her, helping her in cooking, I end the relationship. I was a guy and wanted to be liberal.
What was your conviction?Whenever I was around in Nigeria, my spouse would discourage me from staying in a hotel but stay in my father’s place where she would come visiting. I was impressed by her ways. My father went with relatives to her family and they were accepted with warm hands. He paid them regular visit on my behalf. She’s well brought up and from a religious home—a Christian family.
How well did your wife flow with your mother in marriage?I will say very well. When we were newly married, we experienced some hardship. I over- stayed in Nigeria and on getting back to London, I was sacked from my job. Mum saw us through these tough moments. My wife held mum in high esteem for this and some other ways she was helpful.
Did you miss your mum’s affection when you were married?I believe so. But every weekend, we go visiting mum with my siblings. We did have a regular get-to-gether.
Do your mother and wife share some things in common?
I don’t think so. My mum could be sometimes impatient and tell you what she felt about you to your face. My wife on the other hand is reserved, doesn’t like having many friends and neither does she discuss her issues with people.
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